Do you have trouble asking for support and saying no to others?August 17, 2015
I usually write my newsletters around issues that come up in my kinesiology sessions. The last few weeks I’ve had several people mentioning unexplained muscle soreness in their necks or backs. The common theme I found was that these people don’t say no! They are continually giving to others.
It is lovely to give to others but there must be a balance. There must be a balance with giving and receiving.
HOW GOOD ARE YOU AT RECEIVING?
In kinesiology we look where energy pathways (the meridians) are blocked and then use techniques to stimulate energy flow. Each meridian is linked to an organ and various muscles.
The stomach meridian runs up the body and to the neck. The governing meridian runs up the spine. The stomach meridian is about nourishment and giving to others. The governing meridian is about support or lack of support. These meridians are not in balance if there is too much of one thing happening (ie to much giving) or too little happening (lack of support from others) this can affect the physical body. (Emotions such as guilt, fear, grief and anger seem to be associated with pain or discomfort as well, but that’s another newsletter!)
With our busy lives, energy can easily be blocked if we don’t stop ourselves and look for balance. Are you giving too much or nourishing others and not equally receiving? Do you have little support from partners, family, children or friends?
Many people have trouble allowing themselves to ask for support. Other people just can’t say no to others, even when they don’t want to do what has been asked of them!
The best thing to do is listen to your body. If you have physical symptoms of ‘too much giving’ or emotional symptoms of being ‘overwhelmed’, you need to stop and say to yourself, I need to be nourished myself. It’s not self indulgent, it’s vital.
Set boundaries for yourself on what YOU want and need. Here are a few good statements you can use when it comes to asking for support and saying no!
If you need support from your partner you first need to allow yourself to ask for it. You have a right to be supported.
You could say, “Darling (it’s good to start with a term of endearment) , I need your support with (______) in order for me to function effectively“. They are not going to say ‘well I don’t want you to function effectively so I won’t support you.
No, I bet they’ll say ‘sure thing!’
Be confident in asking and practise receiving.
Another statement you could use for saying no to people is, “That sounds great but I’ve got something on.” Or,” sounds fabulous but I’ll have to check my diary”. Flatter them first before you turn them down!
It’s so important to have balance with giving and receiving. It’s actually necessary. It’s not being selfish.
So the message is, change your perspective, ask for support and stop saying yes.
Oh and don’t feel guilty about it!
Have a great week